Sunday's Night Blues

Oct. 21, 2014

2:17

   Still I can't sleep. I don't know why. I've just finished watching 'Kill Your Darlings'., and for some reasons, the testosterone of my mind, having Racing Thoughts, on how I'm loving history was overflowing.

   That for some reason, I need to take the Cannabis or other alternative, cause the idea that i wanted to come out, couldn't. It's like entangled, I cannot get to focused. I know that there is an idea inside my mind, because the emotion my body is giving me makes me weep in sadness and happiness.

   I need to sleep now, I had to go to work for tomorrow,. I hope someday, I've found out the solution to make my mind release the idea , the Great Idea that my Human Form keeps.

Manifesto

June 11, 2014
10:54

   I'm sitting here, in front of my computer, not doing anything and always thinking this idea that won't get out of my head, so i'll just write this down.

   I'm feeling sick, my body hurts as fuck, and its fucking cold.

   Something that interest me lately are Cliff Diving, and Wingsuit Flying. And from the people whom i promise to do this (E & L), we will and we would. I know that this things are certain to happen.

Resignation

May 30, 2014
16:50

   I'm sitting in from of my computer, thinking, whether or not to submit my resignation letter by 5pm.

I know its a huge thing for me because, i don't yet still have a job for replacement. I'm worried that, I cannot continue living as what I am today. I don't have enough money to support my needs in a long way run after my resignation. I'm worried that I can't continue, hitting the gym (which I pay until October) often, and paying the rent. I know its hard to deal with life at my age of 23, from which I'm independent from my family. I shouldn't think of this, I should have think of other alternatives. But for now, I need to be brave for this decision I've made.

   My heart is pounding like a beat of a drum and bass from a dub step music. With all these things in my mind, I'm still having and believing that a fantastic, amazing, majestic future awaits for me.

   I know that my current job causes a lot of stress with me, that is why I can't move on. I need some change, I need to be stronger than who I am before.

  Alright, this is it, I'm going to submit it right now.

Procrastination

May 27, 2014
16:44

  There's so many task to be done, and i'm not doing anything. I'm tired of coding shizzz. I started to hate my job, i really do. Procrastination really absorbed deep in my body.

  Anyway, I'll tell you what happen a while ago. I've been interviewed by the CEO of the company I've apply last week. I was in Fathom with what i have done, if I've given the best i could have, etc. But one thing for sure, I'd given all of me, so whatever happens, it benefits me as a grown up which is nice. I always had this thought in my mind that i can't stop thinking of failing. I shouldn't think of that, let things do happen for me now as i've done my part.

Epiphany

May 13, 2014
16:00

   I'm still here at the office, bored, and too tired of coding. This novel `Unbroken` which i already finished reading, got struck on my mind and always, something from it whenever i remember makes me weep. So i have the interest to write again. Atleast i've done something productive.

  One of my favourite character aside from Louie of course is Phil. I'm glad that even when Louie and Phil got separated from camp, still this book manage to give information on what happened with him, since i can't find more from it on the internet than this book.

  One thing that captured my attention and gained an Epiphany is that, `Friendship` will not last a lifetime. I was hoping that they would be the best brothers after the war but they didn't. It is described as Phil, was a reserve and modest personality, which interest me because i am the same. I was thinking if he's happy and be fulfilled when the end comes with him. It stated that, until his last years, he'd been into a home for elderly, and then he shared what he'd been through, and the daughter never saw his father very happy before.

   I wish i could talk to someone whose had a very majestic and inspirational life to learn, and for what life can give us.

The Concept of Dying

"Crying, Endless Tears

Body had given up

Asking, Why?"

   If you have to think of it in a different perspective, you are very lucky to know that you are dying. Some, in fact, isn't ready, that in a blink of an eye, they're dead. That's the most and epic Trump Card of Life.

   Knowing that you are dying, is really an unfortunate event that can happen to you. Of course, you can cry, you have to. But always remember that you have time to do things that you will never regret when your gone.

   A friend of mine was once said, 'I don't want to be attached too much for this person, cause I know, there will come a time, i'll leave. It'll hurt less if I leave without any attachment

   I've had that deep in my mind, that i had to apply it with my own life. As i have been growing, it feels so empty, that i'm afraid to fill something that what life can give. I'm afraid that if someone leaves, or i do, it will hurt more. I was talking myself about strength, but the strength i know, isn't really the strength we should have. And so it goes, I'm having a hard time loving someone, or even myself.

   Things like this will carry on, until you realize, that the thing you've been missing is your life.

   I know someone that died unexpectedly. He's my boardmate, he died inside the apartment we're renting. It's too soon, that maybe, all he wanted haven't yet fulfilled. His life is fully taken away, that's a Lesson Learned for me.

   The precious fuc*ing time that many people yet don't understand what really is called 'Living your Life". Dying is INEVITABLE, Living your Life issn't.

   As I was writing this, I promised that i will give attention to my friends and family and even strangers.
Meeting someone that you don't know, and then later on, to your surprise, became your friend, is one of the best things that life could give you. Laughing and sharing both your  interests are the greatest feeling that would make you feel that you're living your life. I don't usually talk, or open up about something, but if you approach me and converse to me, i will listen. I'm a good listener and i'm open with the infinite ideas about life.

"I'll be better, I promise."

Moment

You know that you like someone

when you started thinking

Thinking things that you two

only exist.

And when you finally have time 

and moment with someone

Nothing really happens,

all of your daydreams falls apart.

You're like, hey me, what's your problem,

This is what you really want right,

to be with that person

Yet, you have no courage to make

things do happen.

And that, when the Universe will finally

help you, you ask for it,

then the Universe will give it to you.

Finally, you have your moment, 

a brief and unforgettable one.

Not intimate, but, what a young lad wants,

playing and laughing and being overjoyed.

That particular Moment will last for a long time.

That's the relationship i want was,

being overjoy for a candy, running,

winning a childish game, doing something you've fear of,

cause you know, you have the strength to do it.

That's the universe gave to you.

A moment.

Lastly, you've grown up

Bidding bye-bye is very rare,

you're lucky enough if you can.

And when that things happen,

let your body and mind flow the Moment

Universe, given upon with you.

Make a Hug

All I Wanted

I wanted to live,

with my dog.

having a house,

with my dog.

I wanted to

live alone,

having your best friend

and meeting your significant other.

Living a life,

i wanted,

's really a hard thing

to work with.

Dreaming,

life I wanted,

's all i can

ever do,

to make me feel

living my Life.

Unfinished

You like someone

You have no idea if il like you

Your'e afraid to make a move

Cause you don't want to get hurt.

You wanted lui to like you back

But your'e afraid that the thing in your head

might be different on what il feel

Your'e to afraid of what might happen 

so you've done nothing.

Your'e like an idiot, waiting for someone,

well guess what, 'someone is not waiting for you

Your'e like an idiot keep reading son tweets,

well guess what, the tweet is not for you